The First Day of Christmas, a Groupie Gave to Me
by StrangerThanLife
Summary: It's Christmas time around the Frankenstein Place, and Columbia is more than excited to spread the Holiday Cheer. But when she finds out that none of the aliens know about the human holiday, she tells them. When Frank n Furter becomes more "Bah Humbug," than "Ho ho ho," will Columbia be able to share Christmas with the extraterrrestrials?
1. The Story of Christmas

_'_ _On the first day of Christmas, a groupie gave to me. A Sweet Transvestite in a pear tree.'_

Twas the night after thanksgiving, and al through the castle, not a creature was stirring, but a girl, heaving in a bunch of boxes. Her name was Columbia, and she had lived there for almost a year. That January, she was driving home, a bit tipsy from a party, when her car broke down. There was three aliens, a man named Frank n Furter, who was a transvestite with a large sexual appetite, and his two servants, brother and sister and sometimes lovers Riff Raff and Magenta. She had adjusted quite well,considering, and she became known affectionately as their "groupie."

But now she was pulling in Christmas Decorations for the castle, but unfortunately for her she had woken up the brother and sister, who were not exceptionally friendly.

"Collie, vhat in the vorld are you doing at this hour?" Magenta had asked, her hair as frizzy as a red afro. A smirk was on her face, a default expression.

"I'm just…" Columbia looked down.

"What on Earth is all of...that?" Riff Raff asked, pointing his pitchfork, as he assumed the noise to be coming from a burglar.

"D-Decorations." Columbia twiddled the buttons on her striped pajamas, embarassed.

"For vhat?" Magenta asked, crossing over to her.

"C-Christmas."

"Vhat's Christmas?"

A silence filled the room momentarily, before Columbia laughed, the sound resonating throughout the empty halled.

"Oh Mag, you really got me, not knowing what Christmas is."

Suddenly there was clacks down the stairs, no doubt coming from Frank n Furter.

Frank grimaced and yawned, coming down the stairs. He hated being woken up, especially during a wonderful erotic dream. Makeup was smeared over his face, and he was wearing a crinkly ruby robe.

"What on earth are you doing at this hour?"

Magenta pouted smugly, and Riff Raff hissed at Columbia, as if to say, 'Now look at what you've done, you've made the master mad.'

Magenta walked over, her robe floating against the soft red glow of the fireplace, as she pulled Frank closer to sit on the leopard print couch. "She's talking about this Satan Claws-"

"SANTA CLAUS!" Columbia yelled, huffing and wrapping her arms around each other.

Riff Raff rolled his eyes.

"She's talking about this Earthing holiday, called Christmas…"

Frank crossed his legs, and huffed, lighting a cigarette. "What the hell is this Christmas?" He asked, a twinge of posh annoyance in his voice.

Columbia was speechless, a blush matching the color of her hair creeping onto her face. She pointed a red tipped finger at them, who were looking at her in a sense of wonder. "W-wait, none of you ever heard of Christmas?"They all shook their heads and Columbia gasped, sitting down on the iron throne before them. "Well, I have to tell you the story of Christmas."

Everyone adjusted, sitting back, with a low groan from Frank.

She cleared her throat before starting, with her squeaky voice, "Well, Christmas started about 2,000 years ago. There was a woman named Mary, and one day an angel told her, that although that she was a virgin, about to be married, she would give birth to the king of the world, Jesus. Then, when she was giving birth, on December 25, Mary and her husband-"

"She was a virgin?" Frank raised an eyebrow, questioningly.

"Yes, Christians call her the Virgin Mary. Now let me finish my story!" She huffed.

She cleared her throat again, glaring at Riff Raff, before continuing.

"Mary and her husband traveled to Bethlehem, and gave birth to Jesus Christ. So, there was a distant king named Herod who had heard that God had said that Jesus would be the new ruler of the world. He sent three men to bring gifts, which were-" She paused, thinking hard. "Uh…..I forget. But he really wanted to know where the baby was so that they could kill him."

"Vhere does all these decorations und presents come in?" Magenta interrupted, her chin in her hand, with her fingernails painted black.

"Well, about one thousand years after Jesus was born, a man by the name of Nicholas saw the poverty around the town he was in. So he got to work making toys for the children, and made small food. Then at night, when the children would hang their stockings, he would-"

Frank thought a minute. "Are stockings finished?"

Columbia giggled. "Almost. They're fishnets without the holes."

"Ah."

"He would put the toys and food into the stockings, and he still lives on to this day."

Riff Raff leaned in, glaring accusingly, "There's other life forms like us?"  
"No, no, no, no, no, no. He had died a Saint. But the generosity and Spirit of what he did lives on. And, people made his life into a story. It's called, The Story of Santa Claus. It goes like this. Santa Claus lives in the North Pole, with his wife Mrs. Claus, and a bunch of elves and reindeer. All throughout the year, Santa makes a list of nice and naughty people, and the elves are busy making toys. On Christmas, the reindeer take Santa to all the nice people's homes in his sleigh, so he can go down their chimney and give the children toys under the Christmas tree." She giggled a little, snorting, before adding, "He also likes to eat Milk and Cookies."

"Well, duh! Parents really put the gifts under the tree, after the kids are asleep. Santa is just a story to make the kids happy!" Columbia squealed and hugged herself, the Christmas spirit flowing in her veins.

The response was three unamused stares.

"Interesting."

"Yes...very."

"Sounds dumb."

Columbia gasped and frowned. "It's not dumb! It was my favorite time of year as a child!"

Magenta got up, along with Riff Raff and led Frank upstairs.

"Come, Master. Let us not listen to vis childish nonsense."

As they disappeared up the stairs, Columbia pointed her finger at them angrily, with her other hand balled into a fist on her hip.

"JUST YOU WAIT! YOU'LL BE IN THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT IN NO TIME!"


	2. You're a Mean One, Mr Furter

"On the second day of Christmas, a groupie gave to me: Two rubber gloves, and a sweet transvestite in a pear tree."

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas-"

Frank woke up with a growl. It was only a few hours later, albeit it was daylight, and a soft, slow, Christmas Carol rang throughout the house. If he was to wake up, he was going to wake up on his own terms. He was busy on a top secret project and did NOT need to be disturbed. He threw on his robe, and stomped downstairs, intending on giving the girl a piece of his mind.

"COLUMBIA! I DEMAND YOU TO-" He stopped and gasped.

Magenta was below him, in the stage room, her eyes wide open, and mouth agape much like him. In front of them was Columbia, standing in front of a half decorated room. Tinsel and holly and wreath adorned the room. If that wasn't bad enough, she hung up these multicolored strings of light, which even Furter himself found tacky. Magenta slowly turned her head toward him, now dressed in her french maid uniform and her red hair combed. Green eyeshadow hid just behind her long, seductive eyelashes. She began to explain, worried. "I voke up because ze house didn't smell like dust and depression..." She murmured slowly. Frank glared angrily, and growled, stomping toward the groupie, who was still in her pj's.

"Frankie!" She shouted happily and ran toward him, hoping to catch hum in a hug. That was not going to happen, as he had met her halfway, his hands on his curvy hips. His feet were shoulder length apart, and a scowl was etched onto his face. He was at least a foot taller than her, and even though under his robe was a corset and a woman's thong, he knew how to be intimidating. She lowered her eyes, wincing. She played with her hands again. "D-don't you like it?" Riff Raff slowly came up behind the master, hunchback and all, to break up a fight, if there ever was one.

"No. It is hideous!" He seethed, causing her to flinch. He raised an arm and Columbia held up her arms, afraid. "I'm sorry Frankie!"

But he had pointed to the lights. "I want everything taken down now!"

Tears rose in Columbia's eyes. She had worked so damn hard on those decorations, and had used the last of her money. She really wanted to celebrate Christmas with them. Magenta, for some reason, felt pity towards the girl. A girl who can clean up a dusty, spiderweb filled house, as good as she can, deserves some credit. And besides, they had gotten quite close over the time she had been there. She stepped up. "Master, forgive my intrusion-" Frank rolled his green eyes, unamused and pissed off.

"I will not."

Riff Raff gotten quite curious at this point. Surely his beautiful sister could not be this kind to this Earthling, who was dim-witted at best and an annoyance at worst. They were quite advanced and they did not want to anger the master. He flinched thinking about that, especially after those last whipping Frank gave him. Who knew a leather belt could hurt so much?

Magenta wrapped an arm around Columbia's back, matronly. "Master please. Even I could see that she has vorked hard on this. Vhy can't you be understanding about all of this Christmas talk?"

Frank walked over to her. "I do not have time for this 'Christmas'," he made air quotes to signify that. "I'm working on a project and cannot be disturbed." He walked over to one of the wreaths that Collie had put up. "Now then," he said, ripping it off and throwing it at Columbia. It fell to her feet and she looked away. "If you could get rid of this before I put my makeup on, that would be great." He finished, his high heels clicking up the stairs.

"Collie, I-" Magenta started, but the human had ripped herself out of the domestic's arms, sobbing now.

"It's not fair! She cried out, running up to her room, embarrassed, ashamed, and hurt.

(IM REALLY SORRY ABOUT THIS LAZINESS. ITS 3:05 AM RIGHT NOW, SO I'M PRETTY TIRED. IF I DON'T UPDATE BEFORE CHRISTMAS I WANT TO WISH YOU ALL A MERRY CHRISTMAS!)


End file.
